Too much of someone can also be a threat to the relationship. That’s why boundaries are necessary in a relationship.
Once the honeymoon phase is over and reality kicks in, and you realise that you need your space. A seemingly foreign concept to most couples, but boundaries are required at this point. Most would argue that a pair needs to be totally codependent. However, it is this kind of codependency that causes most individuals in a relationship to feel exhausted and stressed. To have a healthy and long-lasting relationship, clear boundaries, and personal space is imperative.
Why Boundaries Are A Must
People have this misconception that boundaries mean pushing someone away. That is not the case. Most of these negative annotations to boundaries in a relationship stem from not knowing what a boundary exactly is.
Boundaries are basic guidelines of what we want and what makes us feel comfortable. Just knowing how your partner acts in certain situations is not enough. You must be well informed of why they do so and what feelings are attached to their actions. Boundaries in fact help to let your partner know about your feelings, your comfort zones, and most importantly, your desires.
Boundaries help the people involved in a relationship feel comfortable. If your partner does not like a certain friend of yours, forcing them to get along is not going to help. Your partner clearly dislikes the friend, so meet them in your own time and do not force anything (or anyone) on your partner. This way, your partner won’t feel stressed in the relationship. Similarly, you too need to let your partner know what you like and dislike.
A very classic example of boundaries is sexual boundaries. Letting your partner feel comfortable with you comes with the expression of one’s desires, likes and dislikes, and comfort levels during sex. Having set boundaries in this sphere of life not only saves people from a lot of trauma but also enables them to freely explore their sexuality.
A healthy relationship knows how to respect each other’s feelings and desires. There is open communication, and one feels safe and secure enough to remain in the said relationship. Boundaries make sure that your opinions are valued, you feel appreciated, and there is no scope for any kind of abuse. Healthy boundaries also mean having enough personal space.
The best of marriages work because both the individuals in the relationship have their own personal space. What is personal space? Contrary to what people believe, personal space does not mean staying away from your partner. Having personal space simply means that you have the kind of freedom in a relationship to do things for your own self.
Personal space means that you are thoughtful of your partner’s private time. For some reason, there is an untold rule that states that couples share everything. In a relationship, this not only causes anxiety but also leads to resentment and anger towards the significant other. Your own space allows you to explore your life according to your wishes and dreams, something every partner should be respectful of. Let your counterparts know that you need your space, set boundaries that ensure you get a breathing room for yourself.
Communication Is Key
This cannot be stressed enough: Voice your desires. You can set healthy boundaries only if you assert your wishes and wants. You cannot expect the other person to magically know what you feel. Emotions are complex, and voicing them to your partner will build a level of trust between you two. When the said trust exists, it’s easy for individuals to maintain healthy boundaries, no questions asked.
Communication in a relationship is as necessary as food and water. If you do not communicate properly, you lose the chance to develop a bond and end up getting frustrated in the relationship. To avoid resentment and hateful feelings towards your partner, tell them what you want, what you like, and what you hate. Most importantly, tell them what you look forward to in the relationship.
Extremely codependent relationships leave little to no room for personal growth in a relationship. Your personal life goals, career goals are as important as your relationship goals. Make that clear to your partner. Also, make sure that you do not stand in the way of his/ her goals in life. Do not worry about other aspects of life affecting your relationship adversely. If anything, personal growth makes a relationship stronger.
Spending time with your significant other should be enjoyable and not taxing.